Trigger Question #98:
Do you realize that the feedback you give can influence, even change, the behavior of the person receiving your feedback? Of course you do! That’s the whole point of giving feedback. At least at work.
But do you understand that you can influence and change someone’s behavior merely through how you expect them to behave? That’s because the word ‘expectation’ has two meanings: likely to happen and ought to happen. And these two meanings are critical to performance feedback.
I’m going to ask Eliza Doolittle, the flower girl in George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion, or if you prefer, from the movie My Fair Lady, to explain it. Here is Eliza, complaining to Colonel Pickering about the way Professor Higgins treats her:
The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.
We often sense what behavior powerful people and significant others expect of us. We then unwittingly behave accordingly. It’s a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You hold a belief or expectation about an employee, which then comes true because the employee changes his or her behavior in line with your belief or expectation.
Surely you have learned through experience that likely to happen often beats what ought to happen. That’s why, even knowing how someone ought to behave, you choose to believe the person is more likely to behave inappropriately. You’re only human, after all.
Sadly, it’s that expectation of inappropriate behavior which tends to prevail when you formally rate someone’s performance at work. Sadly? Yes, because a more positive expectation could so easily influence the person to perform better. Just ask Eliza.
Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.
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Quote of the Moment:
“Don’t demand others behave in ways that you won’t.” The Chief Nonsense Officer.
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