Trigger Question #80:
Many of us think there is a lot of bad behavior going on. Strangely, many of us think the behavior is acceptable, if not good. Which version of “us” is right?
Picture this. You are in two minds as to how to speak to someone about poor performance or unacceptable behavior. You are wise enough to know that you might not have all the facts and thus it could be merely your perception that there is a problem. And so you don’t want to be in attack-mode, overly aggressive, when you speak about your concern.
But you don’t want to come across as weak. Nor do you want to imply that the problem is minor. Above all, you don’t want to keep your anger or disappointment bottled up, unspoken, festering.
What should you do?
Tell the person that you are in two minds.
Explain that on the one hand, your gut is telling you to be upset, annoyed, angry, disappointed, whatever, and that some form of sanction or punishment is called for. But that your heart is whispering something else: this person can be better; there must be a reason for what happened; we can work this out together.
Now ask the person to help you come down on the appropriate side of the split-mind divide: retribution or rehabilitation.
This way, you get to speak about your anger while expressing your belief in the person’s better nature. But more important, you empower the person to influence, to be part of, what should happen next.
Before you think it weak to empower the other person to influence your decision, remember this. You have only empowered two options. Retribution or rehabilitation.
Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.
. . .