Trigger Question #144:
Do you know what older people, like me, often say about life? That they are more likely to feel sorry for what they did not do. And less sorry for what they did. Or, as some kids would say, “Sorry, not sorry.”
Christopher Hitchens explains “sorry, not sorry” by differentiating between remorse and regret. (Hitchens was an author, journalist, and a few other things that annoyed many people. But he was a clear thinker, loved by many.) Here’s what he said:
“I distinguish remorse from regret in that remorse is sorrow for what one did do whereas regret is misery for what one did not do.”
Hitchens is no longer with us. But if you are reading this, you are still here, and thus able to do something about your remorse and regret.
Let’s explore what you can do based on your age. If you are young, you still have time to prevent regret for not doing something today from making you miserable some future day. If you are older, you have less leeway to limit regret.
Age narrows our options and expands our misery over what we did not do. There is not much we can do today about the career not taken, the lover jilted, the vacation delayed, the family gathering ignored, the fill-in-the-gap as it applies to you.
At least, we older people have the courage to cope with remorse. How? By humbly acknowledging that, based on what we know today, we would choose to not do what we did back then. And to use the courage of age to apologize, to ask for forgiveness, to make right what we can.
If you are young, reduce the risk of regret. Get out. Do things. Different things. Drop your phone, skip social media, stop gaming. Take a chance on happiness now to minimize misery later.
If you are not young, like me, reduce the impact of remorse. Our happiness now depends on admitting, even just to ourselves, our sorrow for what we did. Even as we remain sorrier for what we did not do.
In the end, we find peace of mind in the wisdom of knowing how we would now act differently.
Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.
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