Trigger Question #94:
Tell me, do you think it’s rude or polite to walk away if a colleague is talking to you?
And the right answer is…. it depends.
Most of the time, I would agree that it is rude to walk away. But if your colleague is sharing gossip or spreading rumors, then you will be rude if you stay. Rude to the victim not present.
If you take part in, or even just listen to, malicious gossip, then you are being more than rude to the person being gossiped about, the person unable to explain or defend. You are even being more than hurtful. You are being destructive.
So why take part when you can obey The Law of Two Feet?
Let me explain. In the 1980s, a guy named Harrison Owen designed a meeting approach called Open Space Technology. Here’s how it works, simplistically. You attend a meeting as long as you feel you are learning something or something meaningful is happening. If not, you use your two feet to walk away. Maybe walk to a better meeting. Harrison Owen called this The Law of Two Feet. This puts the onus on the meeting convener to ensure that people discuss what is important and what matters to them.
Yes, yes, I know you cannot just up and walk out of your boss’s boring meeting. But you can apply The Law of Two Feet to walk away from gossiping groups and catty colleagues.
The actor W. C. Fields once said that he doesn’t have to attend every argument he’s invited to. Well, you don’t have to attend every gossip you’re invited to.
But what if your boss is the one with the gossip and catty comments? Can you walk away? Maybe not. Can you tell your boss to stop? That depends on your relationship. What if you just sit and listen? That will encourage them. And they might interpret your silence as like-mindedness. So now what? What can you do?
Here’s what.
A boss is in charge of execution, of action, of making things happen. (If your organization exists not to do things, a place where nothing needs to happen, then I give up. And so should you.)
If your boss is a proper boss, then you have every right to ask, “Is there anything you want me to do about it?” (“It” being the gossip or the catty comment.)
What happens next will highlight the values in action, your boss’ values and the organization’s values. What you do next will highlight what you value.
Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.
. . .