Insight #341:
You have rules at work. And rightly so. (You might be a tad fancier and call them policies and procedures. But remember, a rule by any other name…)
So, the issue is not whether you have rules. You do. The issue is what the “r” in rule stands for. Does it stand for rigid? Or does it stand for realistic? Only one allows for a bit of empathy.
If you, as manager and leader, don’t understand what your rules are meant to achieve, be they rigid or realistic, then you can’t hope to judge behavior fairly. Never mind exercise empathy when judging.
Let me share a true story to illustrate the power of empathy in an area of life where we expect rigid rules to reign supreme. Law enforcement.
Once upon a time, in the middle of a Saturday night in the year 2007, a man in Germany became so frustrated with his computer that he hurled it out of his apartment window.
The noise woke his neighbors, who called the police to report the man for disturbing the peace. When the police arrived and heard what had happened, they instructed the man to clean up the mess. But they refused to press charges.
A spokesperson for the German police explained their decision as follows: “Who hasn’t felt like doing that?”
Empathy. The ability to project yourself into a situation so that you can fully understand it, and then to judge and act appropriately. Without empathy, you will never be an effective manager. And without empathy, well, forget about being a leader.
All it takes to evoke empathy is to what-if yourself into someone else’s situation. What if that was me? What if there are issues that I don’t see? What if the situation was different? What if our rules were more flexible?
But hang on, won’t too much empathy mean many more computers crashing onto sidewalks? Probably. Which is why empathy should not mean that we don’t have rules.
Clearly, rules, policies and procedures matter. Which is why you should make sure that everyone understands, accepts and follows your rules, policies and procedures.
But note this. Rules, policies and procedures only become useful when we practice what the Dalai Lama once suggested: “Learn and obey the rules very well, so you will know how to break them properly.”
So, before you judge someone for breaking your rules, make sure you understand why they broke your rules. Because if they broke your rules properly, then it is probably time for you to judge your rules instead.
And that’s how you rule with empathy. By diligently evaluating their behavior and your rules.
Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.
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