I used to be a but man. What about you?


I used to be a ‘but’ man, but now I’m trying to change. Oops! Let me try that again. I used to be a but man, AND now I’m trying to change.

The problem is that a ‘but’ man, or ‘but’ woman, stifles communication. Allow me to demonstrate. Please say something important. Speak up. Okay, here’s my response: “Yes, but . . . .” How do you feel? And if I respond instead with ‘yes, and . . .’ how do you feel now?

The phrase ‘yes, but’ creates the impression that I have just dismissed your important statement simply to impose my superior view – even though that might not be my intention.

The word ‘but’ excludes whereas ‘and’ includes. Saying ‘yes, and’ creates the impression that you want to build on what I have just said.

A ‘but’ person is a real turn off AND I’m going to stop being one.